Ineffable
by Thorn In Your Side
Summary: But god damn it, you said I could have a pony! Lavi/Kanda, fluff/crack.


**Ineffable**

**Disclaimer: I don't own D. Gray-Man!  
A/N: The first of four one-shots based off the 'Give a Prompt, Take a Prompt' thread on Damned Lolita's forum. This one's prompt was the summary from Lolita herself, and I immediately saw my chance to worm my way into the fandom. –grins-**

**Also, this takes place sometime when they're chasing a General. Don't ask me why they're chasing the same one. Why does Yuu have pink bunnies on his boxers? Exactly. **

**Summary: But god damn it, you said I could have a pony! Lavi/Kanda, fluff/crack. **

**x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x**

"The akuma have been spotted," the dark haired male said tersely, "Allen, Lenalee, Lavi, are you all in position?"

"I see them, Kanda," the white haired boy replied, "I'm in position."

"Lenalee reporting, I got the big ones covered, ready for action, Kanda."

"…Lavi?" Yuu asked. There was a pause as the team waited for the redhead to talk, and then a voice came on over their earphones that was certainly Lavi, and certainly suicidal.

"Omigosh Yuu, I see pink bunnies _**exactly **_like the ones on your boxers!"

Giggles. Chuckles. Growls.

"Cyclops…" Kanda began to say.

"Lavi," Allen said amusedly.

"Guys!" Lenalee yelled, "Lavi's in an akuma delusion of some sort! I see him—he's hopping around, but the air around here smells funny, like vanilla musk. It must be a perfume attack!"

Kanda cursed. Allen cursed. Far away at HQ, Komui cursed.

"Damn re-runs, there's never anything good on!" he muttered.

Back at our focus of center—uh, center of focus, Lavi cocked his head at his distraught teammates caught on the edge of the advancing cloud of sweet smoke.

"Yo, Yuu. Remember how you were saying if you ever got a tattoo, it'd be a mallet, for me? I think you should get a pink bunny, instead."

"What do we do?" Lenalee asked the older boy, watching their teammate warily, "He's in danger, but he's also dangerous."

"Not just to your reputation either," Allen couldn't help but quip cheekily, "_**Pink bunnies, **_Kanda?"

The redhead's lover chose to ignore him. "Lavi," he called out, "Come over here. Come out of the cloud!"

"Make me!"

"How childish," Allen tutted.

"How Lavi," Lenalee sighed.

"How fucked up," Kanda muttered, "Lavi, I'll buy you something pretty if you listen to me!"

The boy stopped short and gazed at Yuu with wide, trusting eyes. "Pretty?"

"Very pretty!" Lenalee yelled.

"Prettier than you!" Allen shouted.

"Pretty…like a pony?"

There was a pause. Allen looked at Lenalee. Lenalee looked at Kanda. Kanda looked at Lavi, and the akuma, and his friends.

"Yeah," he hollered, "A pony!"

"I'm coming, Yuu-boo!" Lavi cried. Allen stuffed a fist into his mouth to stop his cackles. "Yuu-boo?" Lenalee asked her friend. The boy scowled. "If you ask, you will die."

Lavi leapt onto his mate, and the other two leapt forth to deal with the howling akuma. Lenalee lashed out at the warped soul, and the thing momentarily stumbled, nonplussed. "Now, Allen!" she grunted as she kicked off the akuma's chest with her boots, landing by the white haired lad.

"By the grace of God!" Allen commanded, releasing his Arm, "Let this creature see salvation!"

Satisfied with its fate, they returned to check on their compatriots.

Kanda breathed a sigh of relief as he checked Lavi for signs of injury, and found none. The perfume had evidently drugged him, but Lenalee said he'd be coming down from the high in less than half an hour.

"Go to sleep, Lavi," the brunet smiled down at him. Lavi blinked at his lover. "Yuu…"

"Yes?"

"You said I could have a pony."

"What?"

"If I came out of the cloud, you said you'd buy me a pony!"

"Yeah, because you were _**on the verge of death. **_Not because I actually intended to buy you a fucking _**pony.**_"

"You promised!" the redhead whined. Lenalee laughed. "You did promise, Kanda."

"How old are you?" the older exorcist said disbelievingly, "You're seventeen…and you want a _**pony?**_"

"Saying it again and again won't stop it from being true," Allen grinned, "Are you going to impugn your honor, dirt bag?"

"I am not buying him a pony!"

"But god damn it Yuu, you said I could have a pony!"

Lenalee leaned over to the irate brunet. "Think about it Kanda. He's high. When he comes off his high, how pleased will he be to know he asked for a girly little horsie?"

"Not very," answered Allen with a smirk.

"I like the way you think," Kanda murmured, "Alright Lavi, we'll buy you a pony."

"With ribbons in its mane?"

"Pink ones, with frills."

"Kanda, you are _**evil," **_Allen chuckled, "But you are my kind of evil."

**x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x**

**-surprised- My Naruto fanfic writing habits shone through. Perfume attack, perfume jutsu. You see the similarities? Well, maybe not, if you're not familiar with my stuff…**


End file.
